Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
