I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
