I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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