meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
