I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
