Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
