I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
