Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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