I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
