I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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