why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.