Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
