Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
