I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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