...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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