just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
