i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
