he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
