Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we're making bets on your personal life
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
