another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
