it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
