what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
