I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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