I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
