Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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