that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
