I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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