It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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