it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
