cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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