He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
