homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize