No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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