dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
