We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
