this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and she was petting her beer can
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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