The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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