I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
two words...techno handjob
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
