Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
