I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
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i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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