Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
