sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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