Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
