i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
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Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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