I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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