what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
