I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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