She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
