I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
