I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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