Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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