Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had sex on a roof
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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