Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Who died my cat blue again?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
