I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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