Screwed.edu
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
