normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
