How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
