i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
