dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize