brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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