I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
