i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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