Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
