she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's blow job season.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
