God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
