now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
