U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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